Deep into the Madness

I awoke last night several times, but the most notable of all of them was at around 4 am. When I woke up I looked at the clock and rolled over, but much to my surprise I felt something drag across my leg as I moved my arm. I moved my numb right army back and forth dumbly watching as something which seemed to be anchored to my elbow moved with it along the bed beneath it. Oh yeah, and it wasn't my hand; I could clearly see my hand in the air in front of me. I was fascinated by this, for I could sense it with everything but my eyes, and so I reached out and tried to feel my elbow to see if I could feel whatever attached this thing. Just as soon as I did all sensation related to it disappeared - it was like the weight on the bed vanished and all was normal again. It must have felt like at least 15~20 lbs left the bed in that instant.

Then I realized, in my tired state, that an experience such as I just had isn't normal. I looked around in a panic to see if anyone or anything capable of making me experience this was in the room with me - I even grabbed my flashlight to make sure - but as always I was alone (wow, that's a depressing statement). I had a hard time getting back to sleep after that...I don't know if I was dreaming or what, but the sensation was so real I doubt it was all hallucinated, be it because of sleep or otherwise.

It may have scared the shit out of me, but I like having bizarre experiences like this. Just like when I awoke with the madness the other night. I know it was terrifying, I know it kept me up and I know I hope it'll never happen again, but it really serves to break up normality. Things have been so bland lately, and it's been getting me down. I guess it's my wanderlust acting up again - luckily I don't feel compelled to physically travel, but I crave some variety, some variation from the norm. And strange late-night hallucinations are certainly abnormal (thank God).

I've also been pretty lonely lately. I guess it's not really anything new. I was talking to my brother the other night, and I think he's feeling a lot like how I am. It's weird. He'd say what he's been feeling and it's almost exactly what I've been feeling. There was one difference though: He said about Erica, and how he thinks he just misses having someone. I feel that sometimes, but other times I also actually miss Christie. Man, you don't give 3 years of your life to someone and then stop caring. I hope things are going well for her. And I hope things start looking up for me. I need to find somebody.