Deep into the Madness

I've been in the mood for writing a lot lately, although I can't help but think that everything I write is crap. I've been a bit nervous about submitting anything to dA ever since they changed the button to say "Submit Art." I'd be hard pressed to present evidence suggesting anything I've written is art.

In addition to that, I've been making a game engine. A simple one. A proprietary one for Team Playground's RPG. It's a Pun-tastic RPG, apparently. We met with a man named Adolfo yesterday to discuss his helping us with art and becoming a member of the team on a probationary period of "if it works out after this project you're in" kinda thing. He seemed pretty competent, and definitely skilled at drawing. Let's see how he is when it comes to sprites.

The ASB's been more active lately, which I like but which takes up another chunk of my time. Time is a magical thing which hates me, so it seems.

Then there's work (both of them), and those are going pretty well. My first iPhone game is a hop, skip and a jump from completion, which is exciting. The Testing Center is, and always will be. Our database project has hit a few hangups, but in general is coming along.

I haven't been writing here a lot since I have been writing elsewhere a lot. A lot of my thoughts and feelings are being expressed elsewhere. I don't want to say that I have nothing to write, but recounting factual events doesn't do much for me.

For instance, I bought a Nerf gun last night. They're a bit too much fun. I went out last Saturday night and played Texas Hold 'Em with Roxy and associates. Her brother, the legendary Darius, was present. He attained legendary status thanks to how Roxy talks about him. I'm considering going to Games Workshop this weekend. I bought a PSP and Guilty Gear Accent Core Plus for it. I've been playing with a demo of the OLE Coordinate System which powers Echochrome. I've been having a merry time.

I've been very lonely.

So, as it happens, life hasn't changed much. Same old same old, but as it happens I'm relaxed and things are going well. Mike Sovey moved into our place, Team Playground's been doing things with an RPG idea, the Testing Center is the usual, and I haven't stopped working for VG Ware Tech, so that's still coming along. Speaking of, my first game is almost done, and I've got a great idea for a second game. More on that as it happens.

First and foremost, I'm stoked for the delivery of the most recent, kinda-old game I ordered: Guilty Gear X2 #Reload. I also ordered Guilty Gear Isuka. Both of them will run on my laptop, and I can pick up a second USB Gamepad, allowing me to do the amazing: Play Guilty Gear anywhere with anyone so long as I have my laptop! I'm kinda pumped.

The extortionists over at Staple's also squeezed $40 out of me for new wheels for my desk chair, as one of them broke and the price for replacements are ridiculous. Bastards, selling cheap-ass will-break wheels on the chairs so I have to buy replacements.

Oh, and Roxy's back from the dead. Or actually from Iran and Texas. So that's cool. I wasn't really worried, I just figured she was off doing something interesting. Which she was.

Looking forward to Saturday, gonna go down to Games Workshop and play some Warhammer! I'm stoked!

And that is, about, that. Enjoy the nachos.

Well, it's been a week since I've been here (longer, actually, a week was last night) and I've gotta say, I've been having a great time with friends and family. I call these folks "the best people ever" for a reason. They are. Sorry all of you guys who aren't them.

In a nutshell: I've played several games of Warhammer with my (apparently pretty awesome with the addition of the Flesh Hounds) Daemons army, which has kicked ass, winning both full games it's been in (one with Brett's Warriors of Chaos as an ally against Mike, one just Mike and I), although it did lose a small (200 pt) story-driven skirmish game Brett and I played. I've been here and there, but not nowhere besides my dad's house, my mom's houses (both new and current), Sara's place, Brett's place and Wawa, and of course all roadways in between. We took my dad out for Father's Day to Sakura's, although the first debit card I handed them was denied...but at least the second worked. We had Father's Day brunch with my mom's family, and tomorrow a similar bunch will be at Nick's Graduation Party. I've been generally relaxed and happy.

The biggest thing I hoped to accomplish coming home was to find the answers. I didn't even know to what at first, I just knew there was something I needed to know. Ever get that feeling? Well, turns out I need to know what I want to do with myself, how I want to end up. And I have a whole week ahead of me (more actually) to decide. So, here's to hoping that goes well.

Now to stop wasting time writing about life on the internet and, instead, start living it.

So I'd been putting off another lj entry until I could use it to formally review Cat's Cradle, the masterful novel by Kurt Vonnegut. Well balls of Tartarus, I can't do it. The book is just too fantastically amazing for me to review, so call this an absolute recommendation to everyone ever and let's call it a day.

Now that that's over...

Life has been, just as life always was, busy. Offensively busy in fact. Between the two jobs I'm working (for a total of 28.5 hours/week ftw!) and my classes I've been packed with no time to do anything and everything to do. The good news is that the new job is awesome and I'm still loving it, and I don't plan to stop anytime soon either, and that classes are going well.

Nestor Gotay, one of my coworkers here at the Testing Center, and I are doing a proposal to DeVry today to implement our "Backuplacer" test archives system, the name being a pun on the name of the current system, "Accuplacer," whose provider we're changing and therefore whose archives we're losing. We need to convince those who are present to give us server space and the authority to install and maintain our application in exchange for a fully-functional, custom-tailored, professional-grade piece of software for what amounts to nothing because we'd be getting paid by them anyway, probably for sitting in the testing center and posting on our ljs because there's only one tester right now and the presentation's already complete. Also the system will be written entirely in PHP/SQL, so modifying the program later to add features will be easy as pie! Point is, there's no reason this shouldn't go through just fine, but as always I'm a bit worried. And in a suit. Did I mention I'm in a suit?

I hate being in a suit. They're so uncomfortable, and everyone's like "hey, why's that guy in a suit? He must be important..." I'm not important just because I'm in a suit, assholes! I'm important because it's my twisted imagination that this entire existence is built upon, from the padded cell of a mental institution somewhere.

Alternatively, if the world actually is real and not just a fabrication generated by my sensory-deprived institutionalized mind, I may very well be completely insignificant.

But still in an uncomfortable suit.

I'm looking to get Vonnegut's "Breakfast of Champions" next to read, as per Nick's suggestion. I should also be playing my bass some or painting my Warhammer army, but I haven't the time. I'm opening a local account at PNC (finally) tonight, for new work, and that's after work and the proposal. Tomorrow's a basketball game thing I'm supposed to attend (but not play in, as I can no longer play basketball after the Bob Evans incident) and Team Playground is meeting eventually. And I still haven't even bothered looking for another girlfriend, hell if I even have time for a relationship at this point. I guess I'd need either a girl just as busy as I am or someone who's about as interested in me as I am in Discrete Math (a little bit occasionally) or else it just wouldn't work.

Piss and caffeine on Sunday morning!

So, been stressing my testicles off. That being said, I am still technically a man. And not technically.

Have an interview/workshop thing tonight with Rafiq, who I mentioned previously, for a position on what was described to me as a "short-term project" which supposedly won't interfere with my education. So I'm in a suit/tie and going to be headed to The Westin by Tyson's Corner (just down the street from my old apartment) for the workshop thing and stuff. And I'm stressed over that.

The project for tomorrow's class is supposed to be in alpha. I am almost embarrassed to have my name on this code. It's horrible. Fortunately I won't be sharing the source with the class, just the output, but that is laughable at best anyway. I am very not-satisfied with it. Oh, and it doesn't even always work. We have a not-animated biped with a ninja flashlight and a perfectly silenced gun who can jump into some shadows sometimes. It makes me kinda mad that I couldn't have more done, that the team didn't have more done, that what we're releasing as an alpha would barely qualify as a prototype in my eyes. The code is an unstructured heap I can barely wade through, and I really want to write the whole damn thing over. Not that I have time. And guess what? I'm stressing over that.

Psychology. Makeup class tomorrow 2-6. Still need to do all of the quizzes (which I've been putting off while holding out for my book to come, I think I'm gonna say "fuck it" though) and discussions...and something else apparently which I got an email about. So I'm stressing about that.

Money's actually looking up. My dad found some bonds we never cashed, so next time I'm in Jersey I'll sign 'em and cash 'em. But the loans are all fucked up, and I need to get that straightened out. So I'm stressing about that.

All in all I kinda feel like shit and I sorta want to curl up next to Hannah for just rest for once. I want to pick up my bass and play a song, a whole song. I have not finished an entire song without being interrupted in weeks. For reals. I want to sit down and finish painting my flesh hounds, make some bloodletters and just chill.

I've been playing notpr0n. Try it.

The last time I felt this way I waited it out, but I don't have that luxury right now. I feel as though I cannot program...I'm feeling much more artistic and much less technical. I know it will pass, it always does, but for the time being it persists. And much to my chagrin. I need this code done by Wednesday. I need something running by then anyway. I guess it would help if I felt at all confident that the solution I'm trying (rewriting the program with LEO) is even going to work, but to be honest it's the last thing I could think of to try, and if it doesn't work I'm out of ideas, and the team's out of luck. I was going to try writing the PathBuilder, but then I'd have to figure out how to store the path info, and I should really look into the Dijkstra algorithm (which I'll be using for it) before I write it. Arg. I just got a cup of coffee, so we'll see how this goes.

I painted two more Flesh Hounds of Khorne (picture here of the first one) this morning, and haven't got much else done, relaxing aside. Ugh. Although the hounds are looking good, I gotta say. This whole army looks pretty good. I'm all-about fully-painted units. And I have the makings for a 1500 pts army in my possession, although twenty of the models aren't yet assembled. I'm working on it. Can't start on 'em until I got this unit painted. I also got my order from Chessex in - 30 Red/Black Chaos dice. Very classy, and will work nicely with my army.

Finally, I did some more learning on my bass last night, finally cracking into the new book, and I'm quite happy. I was going through different arpeggios and how they relate to one another - very useful.

And last but surely not least, I'm anticipating seeing Hannah again the weekend of Valentine's Day. I miss her, bad, and talking on the phone and texting her just aren't enough...I need my arms around her. Ugh...God's got a great sense of humor.

This world's taking its toll on me. I can feel myself being crippled, and life just doesn't stop. Unrelenting. Ayeh.

So, as it happens I'm running out of money. Damn. Turns out that after I bought groceries and that check cleared, the effects of my decreased wages (due to missing two weeks of work over Christmas) have finally been noted, and my balance now hangs just above critical. Do not get the wrong impression: I am diving, but I'll pull up before I crash and burn. I have just enough for rent, and now that the check's cleared I'm not worried too much. My sources of stimulus: My birthday's coming up in a weekish, and I'm certain I'll get some money then, last month's and this month's electric bills are on this month's tab (because Fish forgot to add it last month, or maybe I wasn't here to remind him, I donno) so I'm credited $700 before the $150 I spent on groceries the other day, and I'm pretty sure Rob still owes me ~$200 from November (although I have to confirm it, but according to my record he hasn't yet paid it). Also, I get paid next week. So I'll be scraping along with ~$50 in the bank for a few days, but I'm not very worried. I will ask Fish to distribute at least a large portion of what people owe me in January to Tom and Jason, as they pay right away, and I know Rob's in a bit of a rut, so I won't get on him about paying me back, just confirm that he hasn't and make sure he knows.

In other news, I work a whopping 2.5 hours today...woo. And class is canceled because the prof is in Europe in vacation. Flesh Hounds are assembled and need painting, I'll do it this weekend.

So apparently I don't update this on weekends...

Speaking of, had a long weekend this past weekend, lasted until yesterday actually, which was pretty nice. I didn't get much other than the some coding and working on my daemon army some. I got Karanak assembled finally, which is good. ZapAGap works like magic, and by reinforcing it with GamesWorkshop's Super Glue it'll stay together perpetually. As for ShadowCast, I got a running version of the final product, but it's kinda...lacking. I got a Player class done, but I've felt uninspired and kinda down with it, and it doesn't seem too robust yet. I'm thinking I'll just say "fuck that part" for a while and instead do some juice with the path network...I'm thinking if I can make it draw lines between all of the nodes in the pathbuilder app i could make it very...presentable. Very presentable. Show a simple level with the path network, special paths, etc. Should be awesome. Did I mention I plan to add special paths so that patrols can follow them all neat-like? It'll be awesome!

I ordered some dice from Chessex. Red/Black Star of Chaos dice. I got one when I got the battle mat, just to see what they were like. They are awesome. They will be the official dice of my Daemons army. Fear their wrathful might. Or their mighty wrath.

We also started a D20 modern campaign. Jason's DMing it. He DMs just like he is: humorously. My character, Justin Thyme (space reserved for facepalming), is a somewhat douchey, backward-hat-wearing web designer for a club in Philly who sports a .22 "Toy" Revolver and a Baton (collapsible kind). He's been nicknamed both "Douchebag" and "Tex." Tex because Jason, predictably like Fish, makes every 1 with a ranged weapon hit the most reasonably-placed teammate. Asshole. I swear the next campaign I DM with them I will make all ranged shots that get 1s hit one of the two of them, or maybe sometimes both. I can't wait until someone has a rocket launcher and rolls a 1. But above all else, this campaign is fun. The characters (for the most part) all have personality, and the humor is fantastic. I'm the only one who thought seeing zombies would at all freak out a normal person, but apparently that was acceptable...whatever. Point of the matter is: Jason: good DM. Us: interesting, personality-filled and funny characters. Campaign: full of win.

I've been feeling better the past few days, which has led to much more activity. Here's what stands out of the blur of insanity which has comprised my life:

We went to dinner on New Year's Eve with Grandmom and Grandpop, my Uncle Ronnie and Aunt Julie were also present, at some fancy place on Rout 40 in Vineland. The meal took an excruciating hour and a half to conclude, the food was alright, the company was good, and on of the bus boys looked exactly like Brett, but he was black. Weird. After dinner that night, I went over to Sara's for her New Year's party, which disappointingly noone but the usual crowd attended, yet hanging out with Brett, Mike and Sara is always good, and I think we all had a good time regardless. The power went out for a while, but when it sprung back on all was good, and in the time it was out we had fun anyway.

Brett, Nick and I had a Warhammer game, Brett and I vs Nick at 2000 pts a side, Brett fielding his Warriors of Chaos army. We rocked Nick, even though he used a lord choice and we didn't. His face almost fell clean off we rocked him so hard, I mean really. Two and a half turns and he was done. My flamers proved as effective as before, eliminating almost an entire unit each time they shot (they reduced his lord on abyssal horror to a lord on foot with one wound left in one round of shooting), my daemonettes were effective in combat, tearing through the ranks of his zombies like a hot knife through butter, and my horrors kinda didn't do too much, aside from sling spells which were, of themselves, pretty good. I found that a Herald of Tzeentch can take a gift which lets him know an entire lore of magic from the Warhammer Rule Book, and of them the most beneficial might be the Lore of Metal, which allows me to turn an opponent's armor against them.

Last night the guys were over, we hung out and painted. My flamers are almost completely painted, two left, and I've only done one of them. Nick is still going to paint one for me. And when they're done, the whole army will be painted! Right now the flamers look a little crazy, but I like it...that part of my army reflects my friends, some of the closest people to me. And it being a little crazy only fits in that case. In addition to painting last night we sat around the living room talking and stuff last night, and in that time Sara farted on Brett, which was pretty funny and decently foul smelling, we saw who could drag Brett and I around the floor, for the record I could budge Brett pretty easily, and we took turns moping in Brett's moping chair...Nick was pretty good at it.

I'm gonna miss these guys...but I can already feel this happiness slipping away, like all happiness does. That's life, right? The time we have with those we care about is always too short, and life doesn't care either way. It's like a roller coaster; you wait in line, standing in the hot sun with nothing to do and no place to sit, uncomfortable, slowly shuffling towards something you'll enjoy, and then when you get there it is a great thrill, but it only last 3.5 seconds before it's over. And my ride is right now on the final turn.

We're going paintballing tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to. Let's end this with a bang!

I been busy as crap. First, let's start with what I got for Christmas: I got a new camera (sweet) which I really wanted, a bunch of awesome t-shirts, a waffle maker just like my dad has (really, really nice) and a copy of Maddox's book, The Alphabet of Manliness. Also, my mom got me a better book for my bass, my dad got me a new desk chair back before I came back, and Hannah got me something she won't give me until I see her again. A good haul indeed. Thanks to everyone who got me stuff.

Christmas Day was busy as hell, just like always. I must have eaten 3 dinners and a breakfast, and afterward I was stuffed and tired. We went to Uncle Gerry's, then to Grandmom's, then to Aunt Jule and Uncle Bob's, then back home. Hannah and I talked for a while on the phone, then I passed out.

The day after Christmas my mom wanted to go out and do some "after-Christmas shopping," which is when she got me the bass book and I got some clothes I needed. Then we went to Vineland and my brother got a haircut (I dodged the bullet again) and I talked with Grandmom, one on one, which was nice. I like what she has to say, and I wish I had more opportunities to sit down and speak with her directly. But, all too soon, Mom and Nick got back and we chatted then booked. We watched White Christmas that night, and by the end of the movie I was shaking violently because of a fever. I was so cold, it was crazy. I had mild hysteria before the movie, which is always annoying, and I crashed right afterward. I called Hannah when I got to bed, and we talked for a while before she got me to sleep. She's too good to me sometimes. I woke at around 4:30 shaking again, and I texted with her for a while (I hope I didn't wake her), and finally paged my dad and got him to bring me some Motrin and water (I couldn't get myself out of bed, once the covers were off I was shaking too bad to stand).

I awoke again at around 10:30, and I think Nick woke me before that. We watched some Coupling, then Brett and Sara came over (Mike's in Baltimore with his grandparents). We sat around the table from 1 to 5 talking while Brett and I worked idly on Warhammer pieces.

Nick and I jammed somewhere in there, and it was nice, hopefully more soon. I'm still sick, feeling like crap.

I've been getting negative sleep these past couple of days. It seems when I come home I'm even busier than when I'm in VA. Speaking of, I've noticed that for the first time, I'm referring to my place in VA as "home" while I'm here. It made me think, I really am all about living on my own now. I do miss these guys though, and I'm stoked to be hanging with them. They're more fun than a barrel of fish.

We've been doing all kinds of things over the last few days, all of which blended together, so here's a recap in no order:

We went down to the pool hall to shoot a few games of pool, which was a lot of fun. We did teams, my team won once, much fun was had.

Mike and I played a game of Warhammer (first game we've played in forever), and it was my first game with my Daemons of Chaos army. I lost, horribly. It was mostly because of his Cold One Knights and the magic standard they had which gave them the Always Strikes First rule, which I was not counting on when I sent my Daemonettes up against them. Had it not been for that rule, I think it would've gone far better for me. Like, I may have even won. That aside, everything performed as expected, and Daemons are so much fun to play. Especially the Daemonic Lore of Tzeentch: Random strength spells = win. My Heralds were as effective as expected, my Horrors sucked in combat just like I thought they would, my Flames kicked as much ass as I hoped (seriously, I got at least 20 shots a turn, they wiped out a unit a turn for me with fire-lightening, it was raw as hell) and instability works nicely in my favor and against me.

We all exchanged gifts already, and everyone seemed to like what I got them. Sara got me a really nice skillet, which I'm sure I'll use almost constantly and which will be way nicer than the warped pos skillet we have back there now, Mike got my a box of Daemonettes (nice!), and Brett got my the first Futurama movie.

We did a lot of just hanging out and being stupid. It was awesome. These guys are the best people ever. I just wish Hannah could be here, I know she'd fit right in and I'd love to be spending time with her. But we've been talking, and I'm looking forward to her opening what I got her tomorrow. I hope she likes it, and I hope we use it.

Finally, Nick built his new rig and we been jamming. It's awesome. That kid makes me so proud. Did I mention yet that he got a half-tuition scholarship to Drexel? Friggen nice!

Well, gotta go. Merry Christmas if I don't write again before then.

Yesterday was a loooonnnnggggg fucking day, but it was totally awesome and completely worth it. I got up at 6 to get showered and packed for going home. I had a very successful trip to the mall with my dad, achieving all but one objective, buying what I plan to for my brother, which I intend to complete tomorrow. Anyway, yesterday we left at 7, had breakfast at Moe's (down the street from my house, right across from the Red Roof Inn on Backlick road) and drove until we got home at around 11:30. We went to Wawa and and got lunch meat and coffee, then waited for Nick to get back from his programming competition he was at...apparently they lost. Anyway, we ate, Nick and I jammed for a while, then we went to Mom's and stayed for dinner. Sasha, the adorable scamp she is, managed to get out by breaking the fence and digging through the other, and fortunately the neighbors caught her or God knows what would have happened. When we got back to Dad's Nick began work on his PC, which is sweet by the way, and Brett, Mike and Sara dropped by. We hung out, worked on the PC, harassed me about my sexual performance and joked around until around 12:30 when I told them I was dead tired and they all left so I could sleep. I crashed so hard my face exploded, and I remembered that I have a hard time sleeping in that bed.

My ex IMed me the other day, Thursday I think. I was almost a little afraid to answer the IM, but I talked with her, and she said something I really needed to hear. She apologized for the break up, for making it drawn out and difficult. I'd already forgiven her for it, I don't hold a grudge, but it was good to hear. It was closure. And now, I feel like myself again. God damn that took forever. We the proceeded to talk about how life is treating us. She's having the kid in May, doesn't know if it's a boy or girl yet. She got a job at a movie theater (thank God she won't be stuck at Super Fresh forever), and she'll be married soon. Her and Edd are getting along great, which is very comforting to hear. I really hope the best for her.

And I really can't wait until Christmas, if for no other reason than to have Hannah open what I got her. I'm a little anxious about it, but I hope she likes and will use it. Oh, and Sara already told me she's getting me something I can't open in front of my dad (oh boy...). I wish Hannah were here to meet these guys, she'd love 'em and they'd love her. She'd fit right in here, and it'd be awesome.

Well, working on Warhammer with Brett today, so I better run.

Went out to Jester's last night with Brett and Nick. I picked up a box of flamers (only three, I need another box to complete the unit) and Brett gave me two old Daemonette models to use as Heralds of Slaanesh. I like the idea, because I don't need to buy a whole unit of Daemonettes in order to get only one herald, then be left with an awkward number of models for the resulting unit. We ended up playing Left 4 Dead for a while, then met Mike and Sara at the mall, then heading to Sara's place to watch Sweeny Todd. Didn't get home until late, and called Hannah when I did. It was a late night, but a good one.

Of course, a late night is required to be followed by an early morning. My mom and I went out to Kohls so I could pick up some pants (they also lacked the lined pants I sought, so regular cargo pants will have to suffice) and stopped by BJ's to increase my texting plan (I had used a total of almost 1500 this month, with a 250/mo limit. Now the plan includes 500 out of network and unlimited Verizon to Verizon, which I'm sure will help a lot). On the ride home we had a good conversation, and I was kind of glad Nick didn't end up coming along.

Upon returning home, Nick and I hung out, I revised a few essays for him, and he submitted some college applications. We played music back and forth, which was cool, and chatted a bit. Had lunch, the works. It was a nice afternoon. I took a nap, and was awoken when Brett showed up. Was glad to see him, we chatted then he left. Had dinner, which was probably the last colorful, diverse meal I'll eat before I come back here, and am now chilling on the couch with family. I hear tell Mike and Sara might come over sometime or something. Hope they do.

Leaving tomorrow. Class at 2. Seems like I had a short break from reality, but now I'm going back.

Reality blows.

I've been at an astounding lack of motivation lately. It's bewildering how I can manage so much nothing in such a long amount of time. All this morning I did nothing, almost literally. I don't know why I even set an alarm, I woke up five minutes before it went off anyway. I felt well-rested, which is good, but now I'm tired again. I think it has something to do with being at work. I'm not really sure.

I've found myself typing things that I didn't intend to lately. An example: the word "being" in the last sentence of the last paragraph came out as "people" the first time. Does it make sense to me? No. I'd just think it was me not paying attention if I was typing nonsense, but these are always real words, and sometimes they even fit the sentence but change its meaning. I don't know why.

I've found I've been going through a bit of a low-tolerance for people phase. Yesterday I told different lies to Tom and Rob as to where I was going, then went down to McDonalds, ordered a shake and sat at the table alone for around 3/4 an hour. I didn't even consider that I was lying to them while I did it, it just came out so naturally. Sometimes I think I might lie compulsively, but I don't think that's the case. Just, maybe my autopilot knows what needs to be done to get people to leave me alone or something. But either way, it's not the first and probably won't be the last time I've simply ducked away from everyone to sit by myself for an unmeasured amount of time.

I've just been very tired. Life doesn't give you a break, y'know? Maybe this weekend I'll paint those horrors, go down to Games Workshop and pick up a Herald of Slaanesh and a few Flamers of Tzeentch and get them together as well. With that I'll have just about a 1000 point army. I've been considering adding some Bloodcrushers of Khorne, actually. Two attacks for the rider at WS5 S6 and two for the Jugger at WS4 S5, that's 4 attacks/model at an overpowering strength! Plus, they would fit the speedy theme of the army (the Juggers have M7, which, while not as good as the Seekers of Slaanesh's M10, is probably better than most of my units now anyway) and I don't have anything to deal massively strong damage yet (unless you count the Greater Daemon, but that's different). Maybe I can swap out the Screamers of Tzeentch for them or something...I really didn't know how I was going to paint those anyway. If I could just get three in a unit I should be good.

Brett started a Warriors of Chaos army recently, so I might be thinking about how to mercilessly crush him the next time we meet on the field of battle. Maybe.

I have decided to reserve this weekend to non-productivity and rest, especially considering the incredible amount of not-sleep I've gotten over the past week. Between Disgaea, jamming on my bass and all of the work I've had to do, I've had almost no time to actually attempt sleep. I slept until around 10:30 this morning, which felt good because I really needed the rest. Today is dedicated to Disgaea, painting my horrors and some DnD later tonight. Still don't know if it'll be my campaign or Fish's, but whatever. I also hope to write Kim (finally) and get some of the crap around my desk cleared away. And maybe go to another of the local places for lunch or something...I donno. I've been in the mood for non-normality lately. I guess another way to phrase that is: I've been bored again. And fuck, maybe I'll just go buy a pack when we go past 7 Eleven, I'm still craving a cigarette.

I talked to finance yesterday, and guess what? They were wrong! The figure they gave me the first time I asked them was more than $2000 over what I actually need. So I was very relieved. I'll probably get the loans on Wednesday or Thursday when my brother is at my dad's house to help him with it if he needs it.

And great news: After Oct. 24th, I will be 50% through my schooling. I love trimesters! Goodbye Sophomore, hello Junior!

The Ace Detective Guy team met last night, and I think it was a good meeting. Well, except that everyone but Skitch and I skipped out before 6. He and I stayed there working until 8 though, which was fantastic. We got a lot done, and the team seems to agree that having a working demo by next Friday is completely conceivable. I hope it comes together: right now I'm working on the TextBox and Menu classes, which should be the last few needed before the room can be constructed (in theory, assuming all other assigned tasks are completed). Oh, and guess what: the Objects files I created compile! I can't run them without Scott's Game files, but they do compile with all references to that code removed, so I'm pretty stoked!

So, maybe something exciting will happen this weekend. Maybe not. I don't know.

Oh, I got tracking info for my new goggles! I can't wait until they arrive.

We did our first session of Fish's 4th Edition campaign last night. It was pretty interesting, that's for sure. I'll tell you, for a good campaign we've slaughtered more orphanages and homeless people than the party in my supposedly evil campaign, and in 1/8th the sittings. That would be pretty impressive...except it actually leads me to question our motivation. Anyway, it was a good time and the story is quite interesting so far. And we either need to start being better people, or else the guys in my campaign need to step it up and burn down a few orphanages. Either or.

Finished painting my first set of 5 Pink Horrors of Tzeentch, and already got another set of them. My first unit will have 10 horrors in it, allowing them to be a level 1 wizard and cast Flickering Fire of Tzeentch and also generating power/dispel dice. That's pretty sweet. Also, upon their completion I will have a 500 point army (with the exception of a hero technically, but I think I can get away with having the champion of my horror/daemonette unit be the general), and the ability to play my first game with a chaos army (not to mention with a fully-painted army - it's gonna be pretty damn impressive). Looking over the my original 500 point list it seems I wanted a herald of Slaanesh, thing is that means I'd need to either get another unit of Daemonettes (which is costly to assemble and paint mostly, it takes 3 hours to paint 2 daemonettes, and the whole endeavor would probably take the better part of a month to complete) or use one of my current daemonettes as a herald, meaning I would have a unit of 9 and a character (which fails to meet the minimum unit size required by the rules). I'm thinking maybe I can get away with it if I pay for the 10th daemonette but even though I don't field one.

I've been considering projects to attempt with a group at DeVry; I really want to get a team of random people together there and do it. I would be assured that they'd be interested in the project because they would have to respond to a request and stuff...I donno. Is it possible? Maybe, maybe not. Am I hopeful? Yes. Ugh.

My mom called a little while ago. The results for my Grandmother's biopsy came in; she does have cancer. It hasn't spread, it's just in her lung, and just a small spot, so it should be taken care of in one surgery. But still, it's cancer. And it could spread. Ugh...I hope it all goes smoothly. They probably won't actually operate until the end of September or something, so I guess there's nothing anyone can do until then except pray.

I haven't had a super-productive day. I felt like shit. I slept alright last night (to be honest, I've been sleeping better lately), but I donno...I got up and didn't feel like doing anything other than hanging out. I played some Tactics A2 (lots of fun), painted a few Horrors (Pink, of course), and practiced scales and simple lines on my bass for a half hour. Not really a whole lot. Tomorrow I intend to program a grenade in UT3 for Tridel. Man, I really need to get on that.

Talked to Roxy some last night/this morning. She made a few comics in the style of xkcd which I found pretty funny. I don't know for how long they'll be online, but here's a few links just in case they still are (they're worth reading):

Box
Coil
Emo

Titles taken from the image names.

Fish decided a few days ago he was going to run a 4th edition campaign (DnD), and so we all set up characters and such. When he asked what our adventuring group's name would be, Jason shouted (rather confidently) "Fruit Boomerang!" So I'm voting for Fruit Boomerang. Image how cool it would be if a group with such a ridiculous name became feared and revered. I'll be playing an Eladrin Wizard (new race...apparently they're like elves, but different), and I have a backstory (which, this time, doesn't involve my family being slain by lizards) and a personality (which, unfortunately, doesn't involve hating reptiles). Charisma isn't my lowest stat (I know you're in shock!), that's Strength this time (second most useless anyway), and Dex isn't my highest (2nd highest though), that's Int (of 20 bitches!). So this should be fun or something.

I got some much needed refreshment last night when Tom and I went out blading again. It'd been a while, and I guess I kinda missed it. We went to the commuter lot down the street, which is perfect for blading because it's flat, well-lit and clean, and cruised around for a while. It made me feel better about things.

Not that much better though. I had a chance to, but didn't, roll last night. It's not that I'm not spontaneous (it wouldn't've been anyway), but I'd like a little more time to think things over. I intend to write on here later a "Memento to Times Lost," sometime when I'm at home and can think for a bit then go to bed miserably or something. I think that's what I need. And by "think" I mean "speculate" because I actually have no fucking clue. But maybe it'll help, and if it doesn't it'll at least waste some time.

Speaking of time, I plan on spending some tonight working on my Horrors. I should have plenty of time to assemble most of them (maybe all) so I can prime them tomorrow and get to painting! I'm still not exactly sure how I'm going to paint them, but they're pink horrors, so they'll probably end up pink or something. They're so cute, too! I can't wait until I have enough done to play a small game, I'm kinda anxious to test them out.

Anne-Marie (my boss) has been talking about the church she goes to, and I'm thinking of heading there sometime (they do Latin Masses every Sunday, which is awesome). Around the 14th of September they'll be doing a picnic luncheon thing afterwards, and so I guess we'll go then. She suggested we do confession before we go, and it got me thinking of all the things I'd have to confess. Man, it's been years since I went to confession, partially because I believe I can confess my sins to God Himself without the need of a middleman and partially because I haven't regularly attended a Catholic church in years. I guess I'm a little interested in just what I've done wrong over the past few years...and in so many ways.

I think I'd like to talk to her again. Just get some closure. Maybe that's what I need. But I'm pretty sure it won't happen. And I can be almost completely certain I'll never see her again. I almost want to burn the pictures, but I don't think I can bring myself to. I almost want to write a program which slowly corrupts and deletes files so I can essentially burn the digital pictures too (and admittedly, that kind of program would be pretty awesome...maybe I'll do that), but I know I wouldn't use it. I don't want to forget. I don't want to deny it. I don't want to hide it...any of it. I just want to move on, let the past sit where it is and welcome the future, whatever it may hold. Maybe I should be reckless, make stupid choices without plans and go with it. I know I could. I just...I've never been like that. Everything's always been a carefully planned action headed along one of two separate and parallel paths to distinct and equally important life goals. Life is to walk the strait and narrow, that's what I've always believed. That's what he's always told me. Maybe walking the strait and narrow can involve taking chances...maybe it has to. Maybe it just has to involve doing what we're not comfortable with...maybe I'm being forced not to be a static character.

Fuck.

Fondly named after this xkcd comic.

I realized last night why I've been avoiding the internet. And let's not lie to ourselves here, I'd been avoiding it. I didn't even turn on my computer in the mornings until there was need, and it was making me feel out of touch with myself. I need to program. I've been shafting Tridel Games because of it, and I've been out of contact with many friends.

Of course, I think that's the reason. What am I scared of? I can't tell. If you can tell, please do tell. I'd like to know. I tried to coax it out of myself last night, but to no avail. It's probably the same reason I've been sleeping like shit lately. It's killing me and my efficiency. It simply won't do. But it does. Do dee do dee dum.

I spent some time working on a neat little "no cheating" program at the Testing Center today. It was the kind of thing which doesn't actually monitor anything, but should be enough to dissuade most potential cheaters. I'm thinking I'll email Dean St. Pierre and see if I can't get me some administrative privileges on those computers so I can actually solve the problem.

I also want to assemble some Horrors. I finally got a freaking knife. Holy crap that took forever.

I had the strangest dream last night. I was here...and the neighborhood was correct. That already makes it weird, because I never dream about existing places which are exactly like they really are. Anyway, there was a slew of people around outside...all over. Noone I knew though. I don't remember the dream in any kind of order, so here are some of the parts: My brother and I were walking along Backlick road towards home from where the hotel they stayed in was, just talking and stuff, and then we see ahead of us Christine and Cassandra (my cousins who live north of us all in Jersey) walking into traffic. I bolt ahead and pull them back onto the sidewalk and tell them to be careful, and they tell me they'd've been fine and that they were going to meet Grandmom. At another point I'm in a fancy Italian restaurant with my grandparents, mother and brother. An old man was serving us very fancy Italian foods and very good wine (possibly the best I've ever had). At another point I was walking home and a roughly 21 year-old man who was behind me calls to me and starts talking. He had an air of not caring, like what I was saying was insignificant and as though he had a greater purpose. I didn't want him to know where I lived, so we walked past my house. We kept talking about the area, school, etc. Apparently he'd moved to this area from Tyson's too, but he didn't attend DeVry. Then another guy I recognized from DeVry walked around the corner and started talking to us. It was weird. I don't remember anything else.

Fish and I, after having said we should for a month or so, finally went and tried out one of the little restaurants in Springfield Plaza. We ended up at a Chinese place, the "House of Delicious Food." I admit, the food was really good. I was disappointed in myself when I realized I didn't scream "Agh! The voices!" when we left. In all, a good venture. I look forward to eventually trying another of them, I'm sure they're all fantastic.

We played a few rounds of Munchkin Cthulhu last night. It was fun, Fish won both rounds, but at lease I got to prevent a victory for quite a while. Sovey and I "jumped" Jason with a goth monster and Cthulhu himself, postponing the end of the game for 2 rounds, killing Jason and dropping him 2 levels. It was mean, I admit, but I really thought I'd be able to win in the few rounds it freed up. Ah well.

Well, I gotta head into work soon. I need to grab a longer audio cable (Fish brought up a good point that maybe setting my amp right next to the PC is a bad idea...the speaker is a giant magnet...also a longer cable would let me record on my lappy, which would make the whole process a lot easier) and some replacement knife blades (hopefully I won't snap all of them on this unit...), so I'm heading in a bit early.